I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
