he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
