And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
