Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
