Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
