some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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