My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
