Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
