That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
