We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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