whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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