whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
