I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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