the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
