You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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