tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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