There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
