if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
