Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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