Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
