Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
