We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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