You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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