So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
