You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
