I'm so fucking centered right now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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