new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
