Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
