And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
