a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
