why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
