That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
