The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dick very happy bro
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
