We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
