I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
