sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
