He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
