"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
