When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
