I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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