His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
