you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
