she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
