They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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