There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
