So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
