I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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