Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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