I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
