trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
